English language is HARD!

I live with a teenager college student who loves to talk. I do believe that her niche in life would be in advertising. I can easily picture her as the one who reads the disclaimer paragraph at the end of each advertisement. Those people have to be very fast as the company can afford to waste money on airtime!

I oftentimes deal with people who are not from my neck of the woods and clear conversation becomes an issue. I was reminded of that this morning as I met with an inspector to discuss an issue relating to the installation of a water heater. This particular inspector has been doing this line of work for the State Department for several years. In his mind, communication is not an issue. His native country is Russia, as is his native language. His use of the American language is limited and, I must admit, oftentimes, frustrating to those of us trying to understand what he’s talking about!

Learning to speak American English is not the complete issue. It is necessary for us to deal with the accent and the proper use of the language, at the same time. It’s intriguing to listen to his choice of words to describe his thoughts, as he mixes them with broken English.

I got to thinking about those who teach English as a second language. Doing some research, I discovered how hard it must be for a foreigner to learn our language, especially to attempt to use it properly. Here are some things to consider:

We must polish the Polish furniture.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
The farm was used to produce produce.
The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
The soldier decided to desert in the desert.
This was a good time to present the present.
A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object.
The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
The bandage was wound around the wound.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
They sent a sewer down to stitch the tear in the sewer line.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
After a number of injections my jaw got number.
Upon seeing the tear in my clothes I shed a tear.
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
The singer had to record the record.
Will you be able to live through a live concert?

Now, if you think that’s hard to understand, try this one:

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

Sometimes I can’t understand what people are saying. After this research, I’m convinced neither does anyone else! Why don’t ‘everbody’ just ‘talk Southern’?