Bill of Rights: Don’t Mess With Mom

(Note: Having raised 3 kids, I have memories that have remained with me for a long time. I am reminded of the time that my daughter was convinced by a friend of hers that being raised under the jurisdiction of CSD (as her friend was) would be much better than having to obey Mom & Dad’s rules. I read this poem one day and laughed over it because it hit so close to home.)

My son came home from school one day,
With a smirk upon his face.
He decided he was smart enough,
To put me in my place.

“Guess what I learned in Civics Two,
That’s taught by Mr. Wright?
It’s all about the laws today,
The ‘Children’s Bill of Rights’.

It says I need not clean my room,
Don’t have to cut my hair.
No one can tell me what to think
Or speak, or what to wear.

I have freedom from religion
And regardless what you say
I don’t have to bow my head
And I sure don’t have to pray.

I can wear earrings if I want
And pierce my tongue and nose.
I can read and watch just what I like
And get tattoos from head to toes.

And if you ever spank me
I’ll charge you with a crime.
I’ll back up all my charges
With the marks on my behind.

Don’t you ever touch me,
My body’s only for my use;
Not for your hugs and kisses
That’s just more child abuse.

Don’t preach about your morals,
Like your Mama did to you.
That’s nothing more than mind control,
And that’s illegal too!

Mom, I have these children’s rights,
So you can’t influence me,
Or I’ll call Childrens Services Division
Better known as C.S.D.”

Of course, my first instinct
Was to toss him out the door.
But the chance to teach him a lesson
Made me think a little more.

I mulled it over carefully
I couldn’t let this go.
A smile crept upon my face
He’s messing with a pro!

The next day I took him shopping
At the local Goodwill Store.
I told him, “Pick out all you want,
There’s shirts and pants galore.

I’ve called and checked with CSD
Who said they didn’t care
If I bought you K-Mart shoes
Instead of Nike Airs.

And I’ve canceled that appointment
To take your driver’s test.
The CSD is unconcerned
So I’ll decide what’s best.”

I said, “No time to stop and eat,
Or pick up stuff to munch.
And tomorrow you can start to learn
To make your own sack lunch.

Just save that raging appetite,
And wait till dinner time.
We’re having liver and onions
A favorite dish of mine.”

He asked, “Can I please rent a movie,
To watch on my VCR?”
“Sorry, but I sold your TV,
To put new tires on my car.

I also rented out your room,
You’ll take the couch instead.
All that CSD requires
Is a roof for over your head.

Your clothing won’t be trendy now,
And I’ll choose what we eat.
That allowance that you used to get,
Will buy me something neat.

I’m selling off your Jet Ski,
Dirt Bike and Roller Blades.
Check out the ‘Parents Bill of Rights’,
It’s in effect today!

Hey, hot shot, are you crying,
And why are you on your knees?
Are you asking God to help you out,
Instead of CSD”?